Change

There's so much of my physical appearance that has changed since April. My long hair was chopped off and I donned on spectacles. I've never really publicly gave my reasons and it only after a period of time, like now, that the reasons came to me.

Firstly, I wanted a physical change as the environment changed around me. Secondly, I wanted to find out how much of myself was attached to my physical appearance. Admit it la, most girls look way better with long hair and spectacle-less. My tutor, whom I have the highest respect for, said this in his very first advice to me: Beauty and brains are a lethal package. You can use it for destructive means or you can use it with responsibility to bring about a greater good. Thirdly, I really wanted to know how much I've been relying on physical looks to have my way.

So I must say, I myself wasn't really prepared for the change I guess. My best friend said, 'Yeah, it's true that you look a lot less prettier. You've lost that auro around you that you used to have. It's just way different now.' And I had an admirer last year, whom I could say was my no.1 fan at one time, who didn't recognized me at all when I saw him 3 times in a mall. That, provided me with a crashing realiszation that MUCH has really changed.

When that happened, that day, I got quite upset and confused. It seemed that I had reached my goals too successfully. So I whipped out my journal and as I began to write, God showed me that while physical change is tangible, what's more real is an inner turnover. I cannot just pretend that I care not for how I look when I haven't really trusted God with my all and find my security in Him. Since then, God has been doing 'repair' work in my life. I'm not perfect and never will be, as long as I'm on earth. But I know that my great God would never quit on me and will continue to refashion me to be more like Christ.